There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."

Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."

Q: How can you tell you’re in a tough lesbian bar? A: Even the pool table has no balls.

One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her. When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you." She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything." The cab driver then said, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job." She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions.You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic." Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes!I'm single and I'm Catholic!" The nun said, "Okay, pull into that alley." The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying. The nun said, "My child, what's the matter?" He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and I'm Jewish!" The nun replied, "That's okay. My name's Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party!"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in one room? 
100 people that don''t do dick!

Do you know how to play gay poker? Queens are wild and straights don’t count.

Did you hear about the homosexual letter? Only came in male boxes.

How can you tell if your house was built by lesbian carpenters? All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.

Q: Why is Katie Holmes divorcing Tom Cruise? A: Apprently he's been in A Few Good Men.

Q: What do you call an annoying gay man? A: A pain in the arse.

Q: Why do gay men fake orgasms? A: Because they will be in deep shit if they don't!

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: What do you call a gay fly? A: A fruit fly!

Of course gay men dress well... They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? A: Single!

Two lesbians turn in for the night. One lesbian turns to the other and says. "I want to be frank with you." The other lesbian says "I thought it was my turn to be frank."